Hello again world! It’s been such a while since we talked. Shortly after my last post, I found out I am pregnant!!! What a crazy 16 weeks it has been! We wanted this baby for a long time, so it was incredibly exciting to get that positive test result after many months of negative ones. I suppose that is where I should begin this story…
If you have ever experienced the emotional roller coaster that is trying-to-conceive (TTC), you will know that it is characterized by obsessive tracking of ovulation and menstrual cycles. Admit it, it is an obsession, I know I cannot be the only one. The online TTC forum I joined confirmed that suspicion for me, as I met many other women in similar frames of mind as I was at the time. Charting, temperature taking, counting down the days until you can take a pregnancy test. It’s pretty intense. Every cycle that ends in a negative pregnancy test, shortly followed by a period – because I always started testing a few days in advance since waiting any longer was just impossible – well it is hard. I reached a point where I had seen so many negatives, I doubted it was even possible to get a positive.
In early December, I took a pregnancy test a few days before my expected period and got a big fat negative. A word about these tests: most claim to be anywhere from 60%-90% accurate 2-3 days before your period, with those odds increasing with each passing day. It is always more accurate to wait until you are late, but like I said, all the waiting becomes quite nerve racking and I personally could never hold out for that long. Of course, I was disappointed, and even more so when I started spotting and cramping the next day. “Here we go again,” I thought. Except that the spotting didn’t turn into anything more. Three days later, I was officially late for my period. I have always spotted and cramped right before, so I just kept thinking “any minute now,” and was very reluctant to take another pregnancy test. This may seem odd given my admitted obsession, but I was just so sure I was not pregnant that I didn’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed all over again. I guess in my head and heart I had made up my mind this wasn’t my month, and I didn’t want to undo that difficult process of coming to terms with my disappointment. And yet… There was a nagging voice in my head that told me something was not quite right.
Finally, I gave in. I was home alone, it was afternoon, it was a snowy day. I remember thinking “this is so stupid, this test is going to come out negative like all the others.” The test showed a very faint second line (two lines = pregnant). Normally, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but I had been very active on an online TTC forum that month, and some of the women posted images fairly regularly of tests they took showing shadows of a line, asking the other participants to weigh-in on whether or not this qualified as a positive result. I also thought of how several of these women tested multiple times a day. Now, I don’t suggest ever driving yourself THAT crazy about a pregnancy test, but in that moment, thinking of all those women, I gave myself permission to read a little more into this test and perhaps try another. In case you are wondering – I had a jumbo pack of cheap pregnancy tests at my disposal. Am I ever glad I made that call, because the second time around, that second line came out far clearer. I was in such disbelief that I took a third test. By that point, the ghost line on the first test was fairly obvious as well. I sat there on the edge of the bathtub, plastic cup of pee in-hand and three positive pregnancy tests on the counter in front of me, and I started whispering to myself “you’re pregnant, it’s ok, you’re pregnant, it’s ok.” I was totally trying to keep calm, and totally failing.
My next move was to go to the drugstore and get a real-deal, fancy-ass digital test so I could know FOR SURE. I asked my neighbor to drive me and I was shaking so badly from nerves that I told him what was going on, making him the first official person I told. Haha! I got home and ran to the bathroom to take the test. I learned that digital tests take an eternity (probably a minute lol) to yield a result, and as I waited I told myself not to be disappointed if it was a no. However, I got a big old YES! The adventure was officially beginning!!!
This post has already gotten quite long, so I will stop here and save the rest for later. A whole lot happened in the next couple of hours, including how I told Dhiren the great news! I am very excited to be sharing these pregnancy posts, as it is something I always dreamed of doing. I had a rough first trimester, and am so thrilled to feel well enough now to take on this little project. There is so much catching up to do I may bombard you with daily posts for the next little while. Oh and also, now that I can finally eat again, I will also be posting some new recipes, so stay tuned for the ever changing themes of my pregnancy cravings! This week it is all about fresh herbs. Mmmmmm, mint and parsley 😛