When I look at myself in the mirror now, I see a pregnant mom, and it feels wonderful. I tend to smile at myself a little with a sense of peace and joy – tinged with a little disbelief, and mentally say “hi little girl,” to my daughter growing in my now obvious belly. I am cherishing this special time in my life.
Before becoming pregnant, I had dealt with anxiety during different periods of my life. For the past few years, I have had it under better control, although I continue to be a worrier. That mind of mine tends to focus on fears and concerns, and then replay those thoughts over and over. Yesterday I got caught up in a bad bought of anxiety, and to add to that worry, I was concerned with the effect of my anxiety on the baby. I tried to focus on the positives, on the here and now. It was a chilly, rainy day, and I tried several times to focus on the comfort of a warm blanket, the beauty and safety of being inside my home, the precious time of my life I am in. It always helped and felt nice, but didn’t last very long. What was a bit more effective was reading – a favorite pastime of mine. I kept noticing my mind trailing off from the book, and would force myself to focus back on the story. Eventually it worked, and I was able to calm down enough by the end of the day to enjoy a peaceful sleep.
Today, I feel a lot more positive. I think back to how good it felt to be grateful of the many gifts in my present life, and I am motivated to stay in that mind frame, rather then let my mind wander into worries about the future.
Besides the anxious day yesterday, week 17 has been a great one! I got some baby toys, stroller, and car seat, all secondhand. I love a bargain! It feels incredible to compare the retail price of these items to what I actually paid – less than 1/4 the price. That is my happy place. Haha. They were all in excellent condition, but I still put everything through a wash and then organized and stored them. This is one of several baby purchases I have made in the past few weeks, so I think I will slow down a little now and wait to see what I get as gifts at my baby showers (yes, I am having two – long story) before continuing to buy more stuff.
In the spirit of preparation, I also borrowed a few baby books today, including What to Expect: The First Year, by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel, and Sleeping Through the Night, by Jodi Mindell. I am looking forward to reading through them slowly, as there is a lot of information to soak up!
Maybe I am in a nesting phase, because I also feel a strong urge to stock my fridge and freezer with tons of healthy, homemade snacks. Well, nesting and also extremely hungry!!! I think I eat a small meal about every hour or two these days, and when I get hungry, I get REALLY hungry. So it seems like a good idea to have plenty of options around. I am thinking banana bread, some kind of muffins, and some homemade granola.
If any of my snacks turn out being something special, I will be sure to share the recipe with you!
In the meantime, tell me, what are some of the coping strategies you use to deal with anxiety? What works, and what doesn’t work for you? I would love to hear your thoughts!